SELF- A SOUL SEARCHING EXERCISE

He is the quintessential female fantasy, with his Latin good looks and oodles of sex appeal. She the epitome of chiselled Grecian features that would put any sculpture in the shade. Together, they are fire and ice. A combustible combination. Bobby Deol and Tabu, seem so diverse, yet are similar in so many ways. Both are fiercely loyal to their siblings and their respective beaus. Careerwise, they are both heating up on the popularity charts. Not to forget that they are also extremely conservative at heart. C.B. decided to nab them for a free wheeling session of sorts, the red hot topics ranging from sex to scandal to sin!

What do you associate as sin? Have you ever committed one?

Tabu: Depends on what you feel, sin is. For some people, nothing is sinful. According to me, hurting somebody is a sin. When people hurt me, I just detach myself from them. The biggest sin I commit every time, is that I am very unfair to myself.

Bobby: Sin is something awful that the conscience does not permit. Though at times I wonder if some people have a conscience at all. But I will not sit and reform people,

to each his own. I killed a lizard once and that is the biggest sin I have ever committed. I still cannot believe I took a life, it was the cruelest thing that I did and I am never going to kill again, even a fly.

Sex is the most used and abused word today. Do you consider it a taboo topic too?

Tabu: I don't want to comment on it. All I will say is, practise safe sex.

Bobby: It is something that is blown out of proportion. In our country, premarital sex is okay for a man but not for a woman. That's the way people think. For me, it is each to his own. Sex is just another word for making love. Actually, another word could describe sex better, that word is Kareeb, meaning to come close.

You both are mature now. Has your definition of love changed from what you perceived it as a teenager?

Tabu: The definition of love changes from person to person, and from time to time. I would say love is a strange feeling. Some people say that love is a chemical reaction. I have even read about it and how it happens. I find this term very unromantic. I visualize falling in love, as some morphine or endorphins reacting in the body, the magic is lost for me. It is nice to believe in love because it is the only thing that makes the world go round. People survive on this very emotion. In love, sometimes I am very romantic, sometimes I am very detached. I guess the love remains but the intensity varies. The same rule applies to hate, anger or jealousy. If you try and hang on to the same intensity, your mental equilibrium will be affected and you are likely to lose your sanity. True love tides over everything.

Bobby: It is the most beautiful feeling. The feeling of being wanted, the pangs of jealousy, the fights, the patch-ups it is all so beautiful. I am very romantic. I married Tania because I loved her and I did not want to lose her. We share a fantastic relationship. We do fight but not about anything drastic. For me, other emotions like hate or jealousy don't exist. They can destroy as you, as they are negative emotions. I am a very positive person, I can only feel love for people. If I can't, then I just withdraw without any ill feeling.

What were your first impressions of this beautiful emotion?

Tabu: Romantic songs, books, stories. I grew up on Cinderella and Prince Charming, and them living happily ever after.

Bobby: I didn't know about love till I was in love. It was an amazing feeling. The touch of someone making you feel funny in the stomach. I wondered why it felt it that way. Someone else apart from my close ones, became the center of my very existence. I was a child then, I was quite excited.

Was the first heartbreak very traumatic?

Tabu: Every heartbreak is as difficult or as traumatic. Everytime we face a heartbreak, we feel, this is it, we will never be able to get over it. After my first heartbreak, I was wary of a relationship for a very long time. But the matters of the heart, are not in your hands. It is possible to love again, with the same or more intensity. It all depends on the person you are involved with.

Bobby: It was very traumatic for me because I am a very emotional guy. I was depressed that after five years, I had reached a dead end. It was not my intention to hurt anybody but break-ups can never be the most exhilarating experience. Yes, it is possible to love again, with the same intensity. Every affair of mine was a different experience in my life, as they came at different phases of my life.

How would you describe lust?

Tabu: Lust is hunger or pangs of hunger that you feel. It could be for anything, sex, success, power, life. It is a very wild emotion and it is nice to have it in you, sometimes it is nice to go wild. I have never experienced lust for anybody or anything. A physical attraction is something you could feel many times, maybe I felt it many times too. But I wouldn't call that lust.

Bobby: It is a craving for a thing, for a person. I crave sweet things and sweet nothings.

How is love different from lust?

Tabu: The moment you fulfill the thing that you lust for, your emotion dies because lust is greed ultimately. With love, it remains, it fights, if it is real love it will not die or probably, it will take years to wear out. I believe in lust at first sight, it could happen. I also feel it could die the next minute but love never dies.

Bobby: Lust is a moment's pleasure and love is a lifetime of togetherness.

How do you handle men/women throwing themselves at you?

Tabu: No man has ever thrown himself at me. If I like somebody and I feel he could have thrown himself at me or made his feelings obvious, then I feel very bad!

Bobby: Women have never thrown themselves at me. Even if a woman did proposition me, I would have been so nervous that I would have run away! Sure, I am smart enough to know if a woman was interested in me but it was always the ones I wasn't interested in (laughs).

Do you believe in the institution of marriage?

Tabu: Of late, it has to started to intrigue me. I have started asking questions like, who must have started it? What must have led to marriage? Why do people get married? Is it because they are bored that people decide to marry? What really intrigues me, is that it is an institution. I can understand if you marry because you want to have babies. Like religion, marriage is a personal issue. It should be a matter of personal choice. If someone chooses not to marry, others should not be concerned.

Bobby: Of course I believe in the institution of marriage. I got married because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Tania. Marriage for me, is a lifelong commitment. Yeah, there are adjustments and compromises, so big deal. You have to work on making your marriage work. Fairy tale romances are for the books. Real life is different.

Do you think that fidelity is the main ingredient for a relationship to last?

Tabu: Yes! If you fall in love with somebody apart from your partner, your emotions are bound to be divided and your relationship will suffer. If your attraction or fling does not affect the love you have for your wife, there is nothing better than that. If your partner understands that whatever happens, the way he/she feels for me is not going to change, terrific. But to have this kind of relationship is very difficult. I have seen only one couple share this relationship, it is the most beautiful and the strongest relationship I have ever seen. The biggest security you can give your partner, is emotional fidelity. Then you know that if he is attracted to someone else, he is not going to feel the same way. I think it is asking too much that your man should not look at another woman or that the woman should not look at any other man. Such restrictions become a binding pressure and there will definitely be infidelity. I have seen a lot of men being faithful to their wives. I have also seen women not being faithful to their husbands. It all depends on how strong your relationship is.

Bobby: Trust and respect for each other is, what keeps a relationship going. If there is no trust, there is no relationship. Betraying your partner, hurting your partner, kills all feeling and the relationship. I think it is possible to be faithful. I have always been faithful in my relationships.

Extra-marital affairs are rampant these days. How do you feel about them?

Tabu: If you are in love with some one other than your partner, it is wrong. Ignoring the needs of your partner, is the cruelest thing you can do. There is nothing worse than for somebody to learn that their partner is in love with somebody else. Their self esteem and confidence is totally crushed.

Bobby: Extra-marital affairs are wrong, absolutely wrong.

Striptease bars are no longer restricted to the West. Indians have being getting addicted to them too. Have you ever been to any such bars?

Tabu: No! I would love to go to one. Once, when I was shooting abroad, the entire unit unit disappeared after pack up. I was left wondering why they didn't take me along. Later, I got to know that they had gone to a striptease bar and I was very upset that I missed the opportunity to go.

Bobby: I have never been inclined to go to one and I have never been to one either.

Homosexuals are growing in number. What do you think of them? Have people of your own gender, ever propositioned you?

Tabu: To each his own. Beyond this, I would not like to comment.

Bobby: Some people want that, some people want this. I really don't know what to say. Yes, once a man made a pass at me . I told him that I just didn't feel that way.

What do you think of voyeurism?

Tabu: It is disgusting. People who indulge in voyeurism, have have a mental disorder.

Bobby: It a kink of people who are mentally unstable. No sane person would indulge in this.

What is sexy according to you?

Tabu: Very often, sexy is identified with exposure and a good body. I agree that this attributes to being sexy but it is not just that. You have to have sex appeal. Some very ugly girls are very sexy, some have bad bodies yet they could be sexy. Success can sometimes can be sexy too. Being sexy is in you, you cannot cultivate it nor can you fake it. I don't think I am a sex symbol nor have I aimed to be one. But yes, I think I am sexy.What I find sexy in a man, is a combination of confidence and humility. It is a lethal combination according to me.

Bobby: Dropping clothes and exhibiting your assets, does not tantmount to being sexy. I have never considered myself a sex symbol but if people find me one, then maybe I am. What I find sexy in a woman, are her eyes. So much can be expressed in them without uttering a word.

Have you ever been associated with any scandal?

Tabu: I feel that things have lost their shock value. I don't find anything surprising. Earlier, there were a lot of concocted stories about me which I found scandalous. They disturbed me because I was made out to be a maneater. I wish I was one! All these stories were in bad taste because people start looking you at differently.

Bobby: There is no such thing as scandal anymore but certain things could be eyebrow raising. I have not done anything that was shocking but there have been some stupid link-ups which were not true. I did raise my eyebrows at those stories.

Do you find men boasting about their conquests embarrassing or revolting?

Tabu: In any kind of relationship, even if it is just a fling or a one-night stand, the man should have at least a little respect for the woman. When a man fails to respect a woman, I feel hurt.

Bobby: Only besharam people indulge in such talk. I can never be a part of such conversations. Anyway, why just men? I know of even a few women who talk about their experiences.

In India, many people are not aware of the magnitude of AIDS. As a knowledgeable individual with the means at your disposal, have you done anything about AIDS awareness?

Tabu: Shabana aunty invited me to the this Richard Gere function and I was really looking forward to being a part of it. As I was shooting out of town, it was impossible for me to be here. I would love to make people aware of AIDS. In fact, I would love to do anything for a social cause.

Bobby: Nobody has approached me for any movement but I would love to do something for the victims of AIDS and an awareness towards it.

What would you advise the next generation on?

Tabu: Practise safe sex, educate women, plant more trees, avoid cruelty to animals .... I could go on and on.

Bobby: Stop watching TV, especially a few of the channels, they corrupt your mind.